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Skip this holiday gift guide

December 14, 2021

snow planter

No matter how much I’d like to be one of those people who makes notes throughout the year of gift ideas for family and friends, I am but a mere mortal who, in the throes of a panicked gift-buying season, ends up scouring online gift guides that claim to know the innermost desires of the people I hold dear.

And I know I’m not alone. That’s why I was intrigued by a New York Times’ “plant-based” gift guide that purported to have the answers for gift givers buying for anyone who loves plants, a number that exploded during the pandemic as more people found a new gardening hobby.

As a “plant person” I feel qualified to weigh in on gifts that people who love plants would appreciate. In fact I buy for quite a few “plant-based” kindred spirits. And that’s why I’m telling you that most of the suggested gifts on this list should be avoided at all costs.

plant-based clogs

I appreciate the concept behind this hemp plastic shows, but I’m going on record: these are ugly.

The first item that caught my eye was the ugliest pair of shoes I’ve ever seen: gardening clogs made from recyclable hemp plastic in a color that could be called “cardboard box.”

There are also a pair of candles on the list. Candles, by the way, are what you take to a white elephant party, but these aren’t even well suited to that use. The first is a candle that looks like a fennel bulb, which isn’t terrible since it falls under the “quirky” category. But since it is sold out, gift givers will have to resort to the other candle option on the list: a candle that has the “high-intensity fragrance of tomato leaves that evokes the fresh, verdant aroma of vines just before they burst into fruit.”

tomato-scented candle

This candle smells like tomato foliage and costs $404.

I don’t know a lot of people who like the smell of tomato leaves for any reason other than that they signal that a fresh tomato is coming. The largest size of the tomato candle will run you $404 (this is not a typo). For that kind of money you could buy a complete indoor growing setup to grow actual plants so you could enjoy that “verdant” scent AND have tomatoes.

Dirt cologne

Smell like dirt, without spending the day in the dirt.

Speaking of scent, you can also pick up cologne called Dirt, made to “smell exactly like the dirt from fields around the Pennsylvania family farm belonging to our founding perfumer.”

Gardeners, of course, know a better way to capture that scent: simply skip the shower after a hard day of digging in the garden. And if that’s not to your partner’s liking, you can use the $75, one-pound block of charcoal soap, also on the gift guide, to clean up.

countertop compost bin

The Bamboozle Bamboo compost bin comes in a nice selection of colors

Not all the ideas in the “plant-based” gift guide are bad. There’s a nice watering can and a kitchen compost bin that is handy to hold food scraps in until you get them to the compost pile.

But if you’re shopping for a real gardener, I’ll let you in on a secret. They only want three things: Plants, garden tools or a load of compost that they don’t have to move themselves. 

And, unlike a $404 tomato-foliage candle, there’s zero chance that they will burn your house down.

candle christmas clogs gift guide gift ideas holiday new york times
by Erin @ The Impatient Gardener 
20 Comments

About Erin @ The Impatient Gardener

View all posts by Erin @ The Impatient Gardener

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previous post: How to love and care for holiday houseplants
next post: Garden wins: What went right this year

Comments

  1. Kristin says: December 14, 2021 at 7:39 am

    This is hilarious. Except the part about the load of compost they don’t have to move. You are so right that would be a great gift!!

    Reply
  2. Misti says: December 14, 2021 at 8:01 am

    I have a dirt candle from that same company—it is probably 15 years old now! A friend had one and we had to have it. Love the scent!

    Reply
  3. Darlene says: December 14, 2021 at 12:37 pm

    OMG! Too funny. I remember years ago a candle company whose candles I loved coming out with one that smelled like tomato plant leaves. I thought it disgusting then, and still do. Can’t believe that scent is still around.

    Reply
  4. Madie says: December 14, 2021 at 12:41 pm

    Bravo and hank you. The NYT list is both ridiculous and immoral. It’s up there with NPR Pajamagram ads to buy pj’s for pets. If you want to buy pet pj’s or $404 candles donate instead to charities that support low income families. Plenty of kids could use 1 pair of pajamas because, unlike some dogs, they have none

    Reply
  5. Laura says: December 14, 2021 at 1:31 pm

    I’m cracking up. This is exactly what I wanted to read today. Thanks for the giggles.

    Reply
  6. Diana Pearson says: December 14, 2021 at 1:37 pm

    You are absolutely right on what real gardeners want.
    Today I had delivered and applied a couple tons of compost, that was a applied 3 inches deep in everyone of my garden beds and under trees and shrubs in the yard.
    Well you have never seen a smile so wide as when I looked at that wonderful black gold throughout my yard!
    I am one happy gal this Christmas 🎄

    Reply
  7. Peoniesanddahliaz says: December 14, 2021 at 1:38 pm

    Ha ha ha! Erin that was hilarious! Really enjoyed the read. NYT obviously doesn’t know what gardeners want. Your suggestions on the other hand – spot on.

    Reply
  8. Susan O Lawson says: December 14, 2021 at 2:11 pm

    You really can not make this stuff up! At one point I thought that you were joking but, no, these are real suggestions. Whoever made that list is not a gardener and hasn’t even been around gardeners for any length of time!

    Reply
  9. Leslie Harris says: December 14, 2021 at 2:52 pm

    My favorite is the compost tubs with ventilation holes. All the better for the fruit flies to mingle with family members.

    Reply
  10. Jill says: December 14, 2021 at 4:22 pm

    Very funny. You’d think they could come up with a really easy list. I’ve taken the job of choosing my own gifts-I always get what I want 😊.

    Reply
  11. EmKn says: December 14, 2021 at 5:27 pm

    Ok but I would wear those ugly clogs in the garden 😆 am I weird? Who cares about filthing up some shoes that already look like dried mud 🙃 Otherwise I’ll take a gift certificate to any garden center, please and thank you!

    Reply
    • irb says: December 14, 2021 at 6:02 pm

      There is a fabulous tomato scented candle that Jonathan Adler sells. It smells amazing….I’m really not kidding!

      Reply
  12. Anita says: December 14, 2021 at 8:55 pm

    And pots. Buy me a pretty pot, concrete, terra cotta or even faux, and I’ll be happy as a clam.

    Reply
  13. MaryAnn Scola says: December 15, 2021 at 6:45 am

    This is awesome!! Dirt candle?? That’s hilarious. To think someone was actually paid to put that list out is a absurd. In case you were unaware, you should definitely look up the writer who spoof re-writes the Williams-Sonoma holiday gift catalog. Always the funniest read of the year!!! Thanks for the laughs-we all need more of that these days!!

    Reply
  14. Gayle Romano says: December 15, 2021 at 8:54 am

    🤣🤣🤣 this is too funny! Thank you!

    Reply
  15. Gretw says: December 21, 2021 at 2:04 pm

    Thank you, Erin! Not sure what happened to gift list suggestions this year, but they are more absurd than ever. Mabe it’s the pandemic?

    Reply
  16. Donna says: December 22, 2021 at 10:34 pm

    Way to make me laugh after a crazy day. I agree the shoes are well…hideous looking. $404 for a candle OMG?!? Wishing you a yours a very Merry Christmas!

    Reply
  17. Laurie says: December 24, 2021 at 10:06 am

    Your brilliant humor is appreciated so much by those of us who KNOW what gardeners really want! I love your videos but I’ve never come to your blog before! Well, I’ll be here in the future!!

    Reply
  18. Diane says: December 26, 2021 at 2:45 pm

    Erin, just wanted to say you are so right…Plants, plants, plants are all I want…that would be my favorite gift for any occasion!

    Reply
  19. Phyllis Ramsden says: December 29, 2021 at 2:50 am

    I don’t know, but I think those recycled hemp garden shoes might be just the thing for when I accidentally step in dog poop in my back yard. 😆

    Reply

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The Impatient Gardener

Do you love gardening? Me too! I'm Erin and I garden in Southeastern Wisconsin, zone 5. The Impatient Gardener is all about real-life gardening: the good parts, the bad bits and even the funny stuff. It's part information, part inspiration and a little bit commiseration. Thanks for visiting.

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Erin Schanen 🌿 The Impatient Gardener
Get your dahlia engines running. All the dahlia th Get your dahlia engines running. All the dahlia things are happening very soon. I actually started dividing my dahlias last weekend, about two weeks earlier than I usually do because the weather kept me cooped up inside. I’m glad I did it because I had some (not unexpected) losses that I’ll have to adjust some plans for. So stay tuned: we’ll be talking lots about dahlias soon. 😀
Want to give a gift to your future self? This fall Want to give a gift to your future self? This fall plant snowdrops and winter aconites and I guarantee you that it will bring you happiness the next spring. They are tiny blooms of joy.
A favorite groundcover and a favorite reseeder. Fi A favorite groundcover and a favorite reseeder. First off, you should know that I really love groundcovers. I would rather see a plant than bark mulch any time. Ajuga is a favorite because there are several forms (my favorites are ‘Black Scallop’, shown here, and ‘Chocolate Chip’) and because they can handle most conditions from sun to shade. Popping up next to it is Talinum paniculatum ‘Limon’ (Jewels of Opar). It reseeds around the garden and I just move it around where I want the chartreuse, succulent foliage. Tiny flowers in red and pink bobble on with stems, looking a bit like peppercorns. Then they drop their seed and come back the next year.
Make this the year that you grow a plant you know Make this the year that you grow a plant you know very little about. If you love your garden that’s all that matters. BUT I promise you’ll find even more joy it it when you broaden your horizons. I feel like I’m starting to see the same plants in gardens over and over again. By all means appreciate and love those plants, but also add something you have to learn about. There is great reward in getting to know new-to-you plants. 

Here are two good candidates you might consider: Athyrium niponicum (Japanese painted fern) ‘Crested Surf’ and Persicaria (or Bistorta, thanks to the taxonomists) amplexicaulis ‘Golden Arrow’.
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